Within three to five business days

Yesterday I officially started working again after almost three months of absence. Am I excited? Yes, I am! Well, mostly. What I’m NOT looking forward to is turning off my automatic email reply that informed people I was absent and they might not get a response from me, liberating me from the obligation to reply. Not replying to emails is my favorite pastime. I want to propose to export the system of automatic replies to every other platform: WhatsApp, Messenger, Signal… “Thank you for your message. I will reply to you within three to five business days. If I don’t, please try again. Or don’t, that’s fine too.” Look me in the eye and tell me this is not your heart’s deepest desire.

Until these automatic replies become socially acceptable, let’s pretend my removed brain tumor contained my only skills to reply to messages, shall we? Let’s also pretend it harbored my ability to function semi-properly in this society, okay? Let’s not have any expectations for me anymore, please?

What else could I blame my brain tumor for? Let me know and I will reply to you within three to five business days. If I don’t, please try again. Or don’t, that’s fine too.